What Hath Bell Wrought?
February 2, 2026 | by Dorothy Rosby
The first words ever spoken on a telephone were those of inventor Alexander Graham Bell to his assistant, Thomas Watson, on March 10, 1876: “Mr. Watson. Come here. I want to see you.” These words not only marked the beginning of telephone history, they are also the first documented example of poor telephone manners. No “hello.” No “please.” No “Am I getting you at a bad time?”
I suppose we can forgive Bell for his lack of courtesy. He must have been terribly excited, what with inventing the gizmo that would revolutionize communication and make it possible to win radio call-in contests. And Watson may not have taken offense anyway; he was probably thrilled he wouldn’t have to order his pizza by mail anymore.
But these days, we need to be more aware of telephone etiquette. While telephones have evolved to the point where they can do everything except shine our shoes, telephone manners started out badly and went down line from there.
I don’t mean to imply that I’m above poor telephone manners myself. I’m not old enough to have used a party line, but if I’d grown up with one, I can assure you I would have listened in on my neighbors. Had Bell’s telephone been on a party line, his first words might have been, “Mr. Watson, come here. I don’t want Mr. Johnson or Mrs. Smith to steal my invention.”
At some point, party lines went away and the only people who could listen in on telephone calls were family members. (I know this because I did it.) There were telephones in every home and they were ringing at all hours of the day and night. Watson might have answered that first historic phone call with, “Mr. Bell, I told you not to call me during dinner.”
Eventually, phone booths popped up everywhere, paving the way for Superman and creating a whole new set of issues. If he’d built one of those right away, Bell would have had to borrow a quarter to make that first call.
And then along came the answering machine. “Mr. Watson, pick up the phone. I know you’re there.”
Then there was the cordless phone, which my family lovingly referred to as the “walk-around phone” when we could find it and the “walk-away phone” when we couldn’t. Had Bell invented it right away, he would have had to ask his assistant for help before he could make his first call. “Mr. Watson, where’s the telephone?” “The what sir?”
We’re all lucky Bell didn’t start out with call waiting. Who knows how things would be different if Watson had answered that first momentous telephone call with, “Let me put you on hold. I’ve got another call. Just kidding!”
Or what if Bell’s first telephone had caller ID, allowing Watson to screen his calls? “I’m not answering that. Mr. Bell is bossy and he has no manners!”
Then there was the cellphone and a return to eavesdropping—except cellphones aren’t as efficient as party lines because we can only hear one side of the conversation. Fortunately Bell could have kept his message private by texting, “Watson, come here.” And Watson would have texted back, “No need to text me, sir. I’m in the next room.”
Had Bell’s first phone been a smartphone, Watson would have been too busy playing Candy Crush or changing his ring tones to answer the call. Bell would have stomped down the hall, taken one look at his once-loyal assistant, and said, “Oh, Watson! What have I done?”
And Watson would have replied, “Who cares, Mr. Bell. Let’s take a selfie!”
Dorothy Rosby is a blogger and humor columnist whose column appears regularly in publications throughout the West and Midwest. She’s the author of four books of humorous essays all available locally at Mitzi’s Books in Rapid City and on Amazon.